My LAST Post ... Here at Least!!

I started the Full Heart Empty Womb blog at the end of last summer at the urging of many people.  It was a great way to keep people updated about the progress about my book.  I was also able to try my hand out at blogging.  I have really enjoyed blogging at Full Heart Empty Womb.  The blog has opened doors to so many amazing people and have been able to help a lot of people dealing with Infertility.

Given the name and nature of my book, I have made every effort to be very conscious about what I write about.  Writing about my children or parenting successes/failures could be quite harmful to someone in the midst of a battle with Infertility.  I have been there and I know.

Infertility has been and always will be a part of my life.  It will always be one of my biggest struggles yet also the biggest obstacles I have overcome in my life.  However, that is not all that there is to Stephanie Greer.  There is much I want to write about that goes beyond my trials.  For that reason, I decided to pen a new blog titled: 

The Southern Lady Mama.

Born Southern…Raised a Lady…Blessed Mama.

http://thesouthernladymama.com

I invite you to continue on this journey with me.  I am excited to share a much lighter side of me through the humor of life as a wife, lady, friend, mama and everything in between! 

As always, I am still here to be a friend, prayer warrior or shoulder to cry on for anyone who is dealing with infertility or loss.  Please feel free to contact me directly.  I am sure I will also continue to write about Infertility periodically because it helped shape who I am today.

Another Change in Seasons

Telling a story in the car with my kids can start on one subject and end on a drastically different one.  I never know where our conversation will go.  Last week we were talking about a sign the kids saw on the side of the street and somehow it ended 10 minutes later in a very depressing way.  As I pulled into our driveway, I was telling them about how my childhood pet, Fella, had been hit by a car and died.  If I could have grabbed the words that flew out of my mouth and shoved them back in, I would have.  Instead, Matthew looked at me with unshed tears in his eyes and said, “Mommy.  Please do not tell me stories that make my nose burn!!”  I knew instantly what he felt like.  That is the worst feeling when you can literally feel a good cry coming. 

I had that same feeling today when I was teaching preschool.  I had one of my sweet girls sitting on my lap and reading “Fancy Nancy” before her mom came to pick her up.  I choked up on the second page and felt my nose start to burn.  I was sad because it is the end of the school year and I was saying goodbye to all of my babies that have such a special place in my heart.

For the last several years, I have been a preschool teacher and LOVED every minute of it.  I work with the most amazing group of ladies and get paid to love on babies.  It is the perfect environment for me.  I started almost 5 years ago for two reasons:  1.)  I had been housebound with three toddlers desperately needing a change of scenery and 2.)  I couldn’t afford to put said three children in preschool otherwise!   My time there has been a blessing beyond measure.  I wrote in my book about surrounding yourself with good friends.  I could not have asked for a better group of Christian women to surround myself with.  We have laughed, cried and prayed through life.  I am so grateful that God brought them into my life. 

Today with a burning nose and blurry tears, I said goodbye to my sweet babies and those amazing women.  Next year I will be embarking on yet another season in my life.  I decided to no longer teach next year and focus on my family and writing full time.

My first blog post ever was written at the start of this school year and talked about the change of seasons in my life.  (Link:  http://fullheartemptywomb.blogspot.com/2014/08/seasons.html ) My youngest son was starting Kindergarten and my little world was rocked.    This latest change of seasons was not an inevitable season.  No, this change has been one that I have chosen intentionally after a lot of tears and prayers.  In some ways it was an easy decision to make.  When you pray something through, you just get a peace about it and know it is right.  I also happen to have the most supportive husband in the world.  He has been encouraging me all the way along.  I am taking a leap of faith and devoting my time and energy where I believe God wants me. 

And why would I want to be anywhere else? :)

I always like to add a picture on my blog post because if I don't, then there is a big picture of my head that shows up every time it is shared on Facebook.  And that's just creepy ;)  The above picture is a poster that we had hanging in my classroom next to the puzzles.  Every day a little girl pointed to the picture and asked me what my kids names were.  It didn't matter how many times I told her that it wasn't me, she would ask the next day.  Oh I love preschoolers....

Mother's Day Plans

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

I got my first Franklin Planner on my second day of my career in the real world.  This little Type A gal was in heaven.  I could plan my day, week, year … heck, I could plan three years in advance!  I was getting my life on track for great things!

When I got married a few years later, I made plans for the Greers.  “2004 – have baby #1.  2006 – have baby #2.  Stop if we have a boy and a girl, or go for #3 in 2008, if we have two of a kind.  It is that simple, right?  For most of my friends, it was.  Baby announcements seemed to come at me from every direction.  Emails.  Phone calls.  Pictures of celebrities in the grocery store line.  Everyone was getting pregnant.  Everyone, but me.  I just kept having one failed pregnancy test after another.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that something was wrong with me.  My body wasn’t cooperating and doing what it was supposed to so we could get pregnant.  After a lot of testing, we found out that I was infertile.  I got my diagnosis when I was supposed to be having my first child…according to my plan.  Why couldn’t I have the one thing that I wanted more than anything?  I felt so damaged.  Worthless.  Misunderstood.  Desperate.  Hopeless.  And completely alone. 

I distinctly remember crying in my Sunday School class on Mother’s Day in 2005 as we asked our friends to pray for us.  Would I ever be able to celebrate Mother’s Day? After class, our sweet, loving and wise Sunday School teacher walked up with a smile on her face and said “I just know you will be celebrating next year”.  God must have let her in on His plan because she was right.  Thankfully, by the next Mother’s Day, I was indeed pregnant after prayerfully pursuing In-Vitro Fertilization.  After a high-risk pregnancy that landed me in the hospital on bed rest for twelve weeks, I gave birth to twins, Ethan and Ella, in 2006.  As it was quite fitting, the next Mother’s Day, we stood humbly in front of our congregation as we dedicated our children to the Lord.  To our complete surprise, by the next Mother’s Day, I was pregnant with our son, Matthew.  It was a completely unplanned, medically unexplainable miracle!  Praise God!  Mother’s Day had turned from a day that reminded me of everything I didn’t have, to a celebration of the trials that God helped me overcome.

A few years later, I would go through the pain and agony of fertility treatments with our frozen embryos.  It was a long, hard year filled with doctor appointments, shots, and even surgery all while raising three small children.  Unfortunately, it would end with multiple failed cycles and a broken heart and spirit.

My verse that I clung to during that hard time was Jeremiah 29:11.  It was the verse that I had my kids memorize that summer.  Little did I know that it was more for me than them.  There were days when I was driving for yet another doctor appointment crying out to the Lord.  I couldn’t even find the words to pray, so I would just say His words back to Him.  I would insert my name into the verse and let them wash over me.  “For I know the plans I have for you, Stephanie,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Stephanie, plans for hope and a future.”  I would whisper the last part over and over to myself.  I was hurting now, but God had plans for me.

If God had told me ten years ago that His plan for me was to minister to women who struggled with infertility, what would I have thought?  If He had told me in order to do that, my body would be broken, I would be depressed and would even get to the point where I turned my back to Him for a while - -  Would I have been strong enough to say, “Yes Lord.  Please use me for Your will”?  My answer probably would have been… “Thanks but no thanks.  How about I work in the church nursery instead?!”  Because you always choose snuggling babies, right?

No, these are not the plans that I would have made for myself.  These plans are infinitely better than anything Stephanie Greer could have come up with in her little, finite mind.  How blessed am I that God had a plan just for me? A plan where, yes, I would experience a lot of pain.   At the end though, He would let me comfort women that have such a soft spot in my heart.  I can remind them that God is here for them, and He has plans for them too.    And I get to snuggle babies.

Sweet Friends, only God knows the plans that He has for you.  You may deal with struggles getting pregnant, health issues, loss or other heartaches.  Never lose sight that God is with you and holding your tender heart in His arms.  He has plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  He has hope and a future for you.

Stephanie Greer is the author of “Full Heart Empty Womb:  How I Survived Infertility … Twice.”  To read more about her journey through infertility, how she coped and what she learned along the way, visit:  http://fullheartemptywomb.blogspot.com.  To get your copy of her book, go to:  www.amazon.com/dp/1503370879

Mommy Guilt

“Be joyful always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 18

You remember the old song… “I’ve got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in my Heart.  Where?  Down in my Heart.  Where?  Down in my Heart.”  Be joyful always 1 Thessalonias tell us.  Was this directed to a mother of three??  Well if that isn’t a tall order, I don’t know what is!! 

Several years ago we used to call the hours from 5 – 7 pm the witching hours in our house.  It started when my youngest son, Matthew, had colic and he would WAIL constantly for hours upon hours each night.  Now it is because Mommy straight up turns into a witch.  It is the last few hours of my day and I am running on fumes…which is incredibly cruel because it is when I have the most to do and the least amount of energy to do it.  My sweet little cherub children decide that their good behavior quota has been all used up at school.  It starts with what my husband, Eric, calls my “crazy eyes.”  If they are smart, they catch my crazy eyes and immediately retreat to their rooms.  If not…and let’s be honest, they rarely do because they were too busy being crazy … if not, I quiet literally blow my top.  And I realize that is completely hypocritical to be screaming at them to quit yelling!  I am most certainly not full of Joy.  Almost immediately a cloud of shame engulfs me.

We’ve all had it.  It is a natural byproduct of becoming a mother.  Kind of like stretch marks.  Mommy Guilt.  It can stick around and be just as permanent and shaming as those old stretch marks.  Whether it is because we lose our cool with our kids or we feel guilty because we can’t go on their school field trip.  Maybe we spend too much time trolling on Pinterest.  Why can’t I transform my backyard into Arendelle for Ella’s Frozen party??  Oh look at these fun, nutritious lunch boxes!  I totally should be making animals out of the 100% organic lunch so that my kids will have FUN eating their healthy, non-prepackaged lunch!

We can blame it on Pinterest, social media or society in general.  That may be how it reaches us, but in reality, Satan is the author of Mommy Guilt.  He has made it his mission to rob mothers of the JOY that God blesses us with in motherhood.  He is a sneaky little devil.  He makes us beat ourselves up for impossibly high standards that we set upon ourselves.   I don’t know a single perfect mother, yet I often beat myself up for not being one. 

Well, when I was looking up the exact lyrics to “I’ve Got Joy in My Heart” on the internet, I found another verse.  “If the Devil doesn’t like it then he can sit on a tack.  Ouch.  Sit on a tack.  Ouch.  Sit on a tack.”  Pretty feisty, but I love it!  Why do I give Satan that kind of a foothold in my life?  When I think about it that way, it makes me adamant to not let him take one second of my God Given Joy of motherhood.  Does that give me a free pass to turn into the Wicked Witch of the West every night?  Absolutely not.  But it does allow me to forgive myself for my shortcomings.  Then it gives me an opportunity to apologize to my children and teach about forgiveness.

I am slowly learning to embrace what talents God has blessed me with and to not sweat the areas where I am lacking.  The fact that I had no less than five people contact me about my go to meal – Kraft Macaroni and Cheese – changing their recipe may be an indication that I am lacking in the cooking department.  And you know what?  That is OK!  I make sure that my kids get the nutrition that they need aside from the cheese powder!  I am not going to spend time beating myself up because I am not the Pioneer Woman.  Besides think of it this way – I am giving my children wonderful ammo to torture me with at the dinner table when they reminisce about their childhood.  Those are the times that my family laughs the hardest at the holidays J

Instead, I will pray without ceasing.  Some days it will be filled with thanksgiving for the blessing that God has given me.  Some days it will be to just have enough patience to make it to bedtime.  If I keep my eyes on Him as I parent the children that God blessed me with, then I will have JOY in my heart.

Stephanie Greer is the author of “Full Heart Empty Womb:  How I Survived Infertility … Twice.”  To read more about her journey through infertility, how she coped and what she learned along the way, visit:   www.amazon.com/dp/1503370879