New Years is a time for new beginnings. New stories to be written. New chapters to start. When I think back to last New Years, it is
hard to imagine that the title character was even the same person as today in
the book of “Stephanie Greer.”
Last year Eric and I had a big ‘ole New Years Eve
party. We were so ready to kick 2013 to
the curb. “So long 2013!!! Don’t let the door hit you in the … “ After a year of failed fertility treatments
that ended in heartache, and then multiple surgeries for Eric, I was exhausted. For months, I painted on the happy face and
acted like I was fine. After all, no one
wants to be around Debbie Downer. And Heaven
forbid I make anyone uncomfortable! I
said all the proper, “Christiany” things that one is supposed to say when faced
with hard times. I wanted to believe all
those things, but I didn’t deep down. I
was just playing the part.
If you had told me that a year from now I would have written
a book about my journey with infertility and how I coped with it, I could have laughed
I your face. How could I help
anyone?? I hadn’t coped with
anything. I was a mess. You see, a year ago, I was barely on speaking
terms with God.
It wasn’t until I had a complete meltdown and called my
sweet Mama almost hyperventilating. I cried
and begged for her to pray for me. I
knew I couldn’t fake my way out of my grief…my agony. So she prayed. My sister prayed. My friends prayed. And their prayers gave me the strength I
needed to not only deal with my grief but to take it a step further. They gave me the strength and the courage to
write about my journey in “Full Heart Empty Womb: How I survived Infertility … Twice.” It humbles me when readers compliment my
strength and courage after completing my book.
Honestly, none of that was me.
Stephanie Greer is the one with the painted on smile faking it and
breaking down on the inside. God is the
one that gave me the strength to not only deal with my pain but healed me through the writing process.
This morning, January 1, 2015, the Greers had a new
beginning. We decided we were going to
have a little devotional as a family each morning over breakfast. I pulled out our daily kids devotional book,
“Jesus Calling.” When I looked at the
verse for the day, tears of joy immediately sprung to my eyes. “For I know the plans I have for you,”
declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you
hope and a future.” Jeremiah
29:11
Reading this verse made me feel like I had finally come full
circle. This verse was my lifeline
during all of 2013. There were times
when I couldn’t find the words express myself in my prayers and I would just
weep these words to God until my tears slowed and I found peace. At the time, I was sure that my hope and
future would mean a sweet baby snuggled in my arms. I could close my eyes and feel the weight of
my sweet baby lying on my chest.
Breathing in an out so softly and the sweetest little hums escaping his/her
little lips. I could feel the silky
little locks of hairs that I would stoke as I kissed his/her soft cheek.
Alas my interpretation of God’s plans for me and His were
not the same. But as my Sunday School
teacher, Howard, says “God’s perfect plan is always better than my best
plan.” Perhaps God will reach some
hurting women through my book. I know
from the feedback I have gotten, that we have already reached some. I cannot tell you how please I am to hear!
Yes, Stephanie Greer was a much different character January
2014 from today. However, there was
always the same Author to her story….
“For I know the plans I have for you, Stephanie,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.”
To order your copy of “Full Heart Empty Womb: How I Survived
Infertility … Twice” go to:
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