Don't Get Your White/Gold or Black/Blue Panties in a Wad!

Last night I was winding down ready to go to bed early.  Then I saw it.  The DRESS my friend, Rachel, posted on Instagram.  Like her, I saw White & Gold but her whole family saw Black & Blue.  What??  Black & Blue are no where near the same colors as White & Gold!  How could this be?

I read some suggestions.  I stared at it and stared at it.  Yep.  Still White & Gold.  I put it away and watched some Rehab Addict.  Picked it back up.  Yep.  Still White & Gold.  Eric came home from work and I asked him to look at it and see what he thought.  Black & Blue.  What I say again??  And he thought I was completely crazy for thinking it was White & Gold.  How could two people looking at the same exact picture see it so completely differently?  We adjusted the backlight on my iPhone.  That just solidified our positions on opposite sides of the debate.  This was two hours of my life last night!  I never made it to bed early.

Eric even polled his buddies.  All but one were in the Black & Blue camp.  (Thanks Eric C.  You were always my favorite ;)  We polled each of our kids separately.  We had one Black & Blue.  One Blue & Brown.  And one Lilac & Black.  (You can guess that the one girl child is the one that said Lilac.  The boys wouldn't even know what color that was!)  I could not even wrap my head around the fact that no one saw it as White & Gold.  I knew that it was White & Gold and it was just taken in a shadow so it was not really bright.  I demonstrated this for Eric in my white shirt as I stood in my closet (in the shadows) then jumped out in the light.  Over and Over.  "See!!  It is still white even if I am in the shadow!!!"  The debate was intense and heated in my house, but we also laughed so hard that we were in tears.

While I was getting ready, Eric came back to tell me that "the Dress" was headlining on the Today Show,  CBS and ESPN.  What?  How crazy!  Apparently just like us, a number of people got momentarily sucked into the great Dress debate.

Now there is a another debate.  A debate on how ridiculous and what a waste of time this whole thing is. Is it ridiculous?  Sure.  Did I waste two hours of my life last night and even more today by writing about it?  Absolutely.  But who cares?  Why do you care??  We spend time talking about very worthy causes...ISIS, Vaccines, Allergies, Sex Trafficking, etc.  I wrote a book on Infertility.  I think that covers my "serious quota" for at least a little while  ;)  Sometimes it is nice to just be silly and forget for just a second about all the junk going on in all the world.  If you don't, it can just bog you down and depress you.  Laughter is a great way to recharge your batteries so you can get serious and tackle the real stuff of life.

So in closing, I saw the "real dress" in all its Black & Blue glory.  Eric had a TON of satisfaction that he was right and I was wrong.  I contend that this is a conspiracy to sell lots of Black & Blue AND White & Gold dresses ;)

Snow Days and Turtle Tips

Last week I got a rare middle of the day text from Eric:

“Monday.   8 -12 inches of snow!!!”

Yea. Right.  We live in Nashville, TN.  It always goes north of us.  We never get that lucky!  And that was days away.  Anything could have change.

Then I watched the weather myself that night and heard the excitement in the weatherman’s voice.  It was contagious.  They even talked about Nashville on The Weather Channel!  That’s big time, baby!  It wasn’t a matter of if we would get snow, but how much!!!

With a newfound faith in Eric and TWC’s forecast, I went on a mission for snow pants and snow boots.  We were finally going to get our snow day!  I even broke my cardinal rule of parenting  - I told the kids.  Eric was furious.  He was convinced that I jinxed it and the huge winter storm Octavia was just going to change course to teach me a lesson.  He told me if we woke up to nothing on Monday, he was going to high tail it into work and leave me with the fall out.

Well Octavia did slap my hands for being overzealous by withholding the snow and instead raining down 2 – 3 inches of sleet.  But we showed her!!  We had a blast anyway.  It turns out that sledding on sleet is way more fun than ice.   We sled for hours.  Shed our clothes.  Rested.  Threw them in the dryer.  Got dressed again and went for round two!

Today we were blessed with about an inch of that elusive snow.  It was so beautiful to watch it fall at a rapid rate this morning.  Right after breakfast we dressed again to enjoy some of the powder.  Eric went into work late in order to give the roads time to clear, so he was able to play too.  They all worked hard on building a snowman.  The snow wasn’t the best for it, but we made the best of it.

Just as we were finishing up, I received a text from my Dad telling me that my grandpa, Papatch, passed away.  It wasn’t a surprise.  His health had been deteriorating over the last several months and had progressively gotten worse over the last few days.  Even when you have been preparing yourself mentally for a while, to know that they are really gone, it is tough.

I think back to my best memories of him growing up.  We didn’t live close to them.  We were in Houston and they were in the panhandle of Texas.  Most years I would see them at Christmas and maybe another trip during the year.  But the time that we had together was always so sweet.

We loved to play games together.  He and Grandma we kids at heart.  We would play spoons, Canasta, Solitaire, or any card game.  Grandma would usually “cheat” and we would laugh and laugh.  He had the best laugh.  A belly laugh that usually ended with a “Woo Hoo” as he rubbed his round belly.

I remember going and staying with them one summer when I was little.  Papatch had his new Super Nintendo all ready to go for me.  I was determined to finally save the princess.  He tried to teach me how to get turtle tips so I could get a gazillion lives.  I never could get it.  He would load me up with a ton before he headed to bed.  I stayed up all hours of the night using all Papatch’s turtle tips trying to save that dang princess.  The next morning he woke me up.  "Did you get her, Steffer??"  Nope.  So he just got me more and told me to keep at it.  For the record, I still have not saved the princess.

We almost lost him a few years ago when he had a debilitating stroke.  For a while we didn't know if he would wake up.  When he finally did, we didn't think he would regain the use of the left side of his body.  Less than a year later, he was playing golf with my dad for the first time since the stroke and got a hole in one.  The 8th hole in one in his lifetime!!  

It is times like these that I am so thankful for my faith.  It is a faith that has been passed down to me from generation to generation.  It was such a comfort to be able to share that with my children... the next generation.  As sad as I am to say Goodbye to Papatch, I know that he said Hello to His Heavenly Father today.   There is not a question in my mind.  He probably played a few rounds of golf with his son, Gary.  And I imagine he, Grandma and Uncle Gary are playing a mean game of Canasta and laughing until they cry.  I wonder if Grandma gets away with her cheating in Heaven?

Yes I know that he is in Heaven with many of our loved ones and I will see him again when we all go to Heaven.  As he would say “Sho Nuff.”

Yes. I am talking to YOU.

I can’t believe it has almost been two months since I published my first book, “Full Heart Empty Womb:  How I Survived Infertility … Twice”.  Honestly, it feels like it has been a lifetime ago.  Outside of a few blog posts and FB updates, I haven’t really been able to devote the time I would like to in order to promote my book.  Right after I published FHEW, I enjoyed a wonderful, busy Christmas with my family.  When January rolled around I was neck deep in various activities for my kids.  Yes, I see the wonderful irony that I am having difficulty finding the time to promote my book about Infertility because I have been busy with my children!  I am not complaining a bit.  What a fantastic “problem” to have J

Since I am self-published, everything lands squarely on Stephanie Greer’s shoulders.  This is truly a grassroots effort.  There is no PR or marketing person.  It can be a bit intimidating and often overwhelming, but I am pressing on.  It is my desire to be able to book several speaking engagements in order to get my book more visible to those that need it.  I am trying to cast my proverbial net wider to reach the people who need it most.  I have made some good headway in that goal.

On April 18^th, I will be speaking at a women’s conference at my church, Forest Hills Baptist Church (more details to come as they are available).  I am doing a breakout session titled “Courage Through Infertility” and am extremely excited about the opportunity.  I hope that this will lead to other opportunities to share my story and lessons I learned.

This week I was ready to dive into my first official event.  I teach preschool part time.  My wonderful director, Windy, arranged for me to speak to interested moms on two separate days.  It was a perfect, safe place for me to take my training wheels off so to speak.  I was nervous but excited.  I am not a stranger to public speaking.  My first career was in sales.  I led meetings and training sessions all the time.  I would present all sorts of products to CEOs, CFOs, and doctors.  But there was something about standing up and pretty much selling myself and my story that was pretty intimidating.  Eric, my husband, had a pretty good laugh at my expense.  “You literally wrote a book on this, Steph!  What is there to be scared of?”

He was right.  But still I was up in the middle of the night fine tuning my notes and perfecting my contact sheets.  I wanted everything to be just right and look professional.  “Can they tell that this was just something I doctored up on Microsoft Word??  Where is the marketing department when I need one!”  I easily convinced myself that I was in over my head.

Then I got this email.  I am convinced that this was encouragement straight from above.  God was telling me not to get discouraged.  I was on the right path.  It may not be easy, but I was headed in the right direction.  After a lot of prayer, I was headed in His direction.  I ran into our bedroom and shoved my iPhone in Eric’s sleepy face.  “Good morning.  I love you.  Can I go to this?  Please?  Please?  Pppllllleeeaaasssseeeee!!!!”  To which he quickly replied, “Of course.  That is the perfect opportunity for you.”  Ten minutes later I was registered and ready to go.   I cannot even tell you how PUMPED up I am to be able to go to this event!

My first day at my event at my preschool was perfect.  My goal was for two people to come.  Look.  I have realistic expectations.  I am a stay at home mom three days a week.  Those days are like GOLD to me.  Every second is precious.  As soon as I drop off my kids, it is my to do list versus the clock.  I even hear the “24” theme song ticking quickly in my brain most days.  I completely understand that taking an hour out of that precious time isn’t something that everyone would do... especially if you didn’t know me or have any interest in Infertility.  But praise the Lord …  Six people did.  Yes!!  I TRIPLED my goal J

I thoroughly enjoyed speaking and think it went well.  The ladies were engaged and enjoyed themselves.  People think that hearing someone talk about Infertility would be down right depressing.  I assure you that there were more laughs than tears and even the tears were happy ones.  Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on the way you look at things), I take after my kids in some ways.  I find it impossible to be completely serious for any long period of time.  I try to lighten the mood with my humor whenever possible.  The highlight of the session was at the end when one of the women said through tears that I had said exactly what she needed to hear.  Humbled doesn’t even begin to express the emotion I felt.  God used me to speak to someone.  That’s pretty awesome.

My stupid pride… and my bruised ego … would like to just end it with that wonderful experience.  But I had a second day to get ready for!  Today I went in with a goal of one person attending.  Look.  I was being realistic again!  I don’t teach on Wednesdays so not as many of the parents even really know me.  The few moms that do know me had already told me that they attended a Wednesday Bible study.  So I sat next to my pretty book table.  Stared at the clock.  Then I played on Facebook.  Stared at the clock again.  Texted Eric. 

When the room was still empty five minutes after I was supposed to start, I realized that maybe I overshot my goal by one.  I wiped a humiliated tear and started to pack up my things.  As I was cleaning up the room, I berated myself.  “How could I think that this could be the start of something?  Could I really do this over and over and be disappointed?  It would be so much easier on me, my family and my little fragile ego if I let life go back to the way it was.  I am already spread too thin.  I forgot Ella’s Science test last week for Pete’s sake!!  I have already met all my personal goals for my book.  I helped myself heal and have helped several others.  Maybe I should just let it be at that.”

What??!!  Whoa.  How quickly I forgot that encouragement that God gave me only two days ago!  No.  Siree.  Bob.  Humiliated tear dried and replaced by a determined Steph.  Drop kick the devil and his negative thoughts to the curb.  Because you know what?  The devil doesn’t waste his time on people that aren’t a threat to him.  And I am.  I serve a big and mighty God that can do BIG things.  Even with little old me. 

I know from feedback that I have gotten that this book will help countless more people.  It provides hope to people who feel like they have no hope.  And not just hope to people who are dealing with Infertility today.  I have heard from people who suffered through the pain of Infertility years ago that this book provided the understanding that they needed and ultimately healing for them too.  Many of my friends that had a front row seat to my pain, shared that they had no clue what I had really been going through.  After reading FHEW, they felt like they understood my struggle more fully. 

Honestly, every woman has a stake in trying to understand Infertility better.  Whether you have been through it yourself or have a friend that is dealing with it, it is relevant to all women.  Believe me, if you know it or not, everyone has friends that are dealing with it.  It is so widespread but NO ONE talks about it.  But I will.

So back to my title.  Yes.  I am talking to YOU.  I am ready to come a talk to your book club, Bible study, women’s group, or just group of girlfriends.  I am just as comfortable in a Fellowship Hall with a casserole and sweet tea as I am in a living room with wine and cheese.  I am centrally located in Nashville, TN.  If I can drive it, I will be there.  Give me an excuse to take a drive sans kids with just me and my latest Audible download!

I am happy to do a book overview like I did with my preschool mamas.  I can come to a book club with people who have read my book to discuss further.  I would love to help others learn more about Infertility and how they can be give support to those dealing with it.  Maybe you just want to increase what I like to call your CQ (Compassion Quotient)!  I can work with any ideas you have.

So action time.  Get a group of gals together.  Get a few dates.  Email me at fullheartemptywomb@gmail.com to get on my calendar.   Want to know another simple way to help these grassroots grow?  It’s as simple as a click - - Like or Share www.facebook.com/fullheartemptywomb on Facebook.  The people who need it will see it and appreciate it.  And if you made it all the way to this plea ... I appreciate you.

Groundhog Day

“Watch out for that first step! It's a doozy!!”  Ned Reyerson.

That is one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies when I was little.  Why don’t they make movies like that anymore?  Bill Murray plays Phil, who must relive the same day over and over.  There are several times in my life where I felt like I was smack dab in the middle of “Groundhog Day.”  In fact, when I was reading back through my book, Full Heart Empty Womb, I had to take that analogy out because I used it more than once!

My most meaningful Groundhog Day experience was when I was in the hospital on bed rest pregnant with my twins.  I had been through a rough couple of year prior trying to conceive.  When I finally was able to conceive through IVF, I had a high-risk pregnancy.  I went into pre-term labor that landed me in the hospital at 22 weeks.

For 11 weeks, I felt like I was relieving the same day.  I would wake up.  Order my breakfast from the cafeteria (blueberry muffin, cheerios, sweet acidophilis milk – which we affectionately called my sweet ass milk ;). Pee.  Lay and wait for my breakfast while I watched The Today Show.  Pray.  Sit Up.  HOORAY!!  Eat.  Lay back down.  Wait for my morning nurse to give meds.  Drink water.  Pee.  Nurse comes gives me meds in my IV. Shift to my other side.  Drink water.  Pee.  Finally the doctor comes to round on me.  Tells me the same thing as the day before.  “Every day we keep them in you, is four days less in the NICU!!”  Pray.  Then the best 10 minutes of my day – SHOWER!!!  Lay.  Drink Water.  Watch Talk of the Town.  Order lunch.  Pee.  Drink.  Shift positions.  Sit Up.  Hooray!!!  Eat.  Lay back down.  Crap.  Gotta pee again.  Get hooked up for my daily monitoring.  Shift and try to get comfortable with all the cords.  Stare at the contraction monitor and wonder why I can’t feel any of them.  Pray.  Shift.  Count the flowers on the wallpaper.  Drift off to sleep.  Wake up when the nurse comes to turn off the monitor.  Pee.  Drink Water.  Pray.  Watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” in Spanish because I am that desperate for entertainment.  Drink water.  Shift.  Stare at the clock.  Eric gets here with supper!!!!  Pee.  Sit up!!  Eat yummy take-out.  Lay down.  Pee.  Watch TV with Eric.  Shift.  Pray.  Watch Eric make his fold out bed next to me like he does every night.  Drink water.  Take my Ambien.  Pee.  And fall into a peaceful sleep. 

Thankfully I was blessed to be able to do that for 11 weeks…. or 77 days …. or 1,848 hours … or 110,880 minutes.  And because I was able to relive that same day over and over and over, my babies not only survived, they thrived.

This was one of my favorite days in the hospital.  Eric brought our dog, Majors, to come visit me!